[Life Update] Post Prep Blues, I STRUGGLED
Competing in a bikini competition is not for the faint of heart, but the hardest part comes after you step off stage.
I started my 2nd bikini prep on January 7th, 2019 at the highest weight I’ve ever been.
I was definitely ready to have some structure again and to put in the work that needed to be done to get my body where it needed to be to step on stage.
Day in and day I out I gave it my all. I sacrificed my social life. I sacrificed time with family, friends and date nights with my boyfriend. I was also in school at the time taking 12 units and between managing prep, life, relationships, my business, and full time school, you could say I was STRUGGLING.
I competed on March 30th, 2019 (didn’t place anywhere near where I wanted to), took 3 weeks off and jumped right back into prep again for another show on June 8th, 2019.
But… I was BURNED OUT!
I was tired of dieting.
I was tired of doing hours upon hours of cardio.
I was tired of depriving myself!
So, I decided to stop prep and find some balance again in my life.
I genuinely wasn’t happy being on prep anymore and my body was now at a point I could be proud of again, so I decided enough was enough.
However, the aftermath of coming off prep was almost as hard as being on prep.
I felt lost.
Although, I got to eat whatever I wanted now, I still wasn’t happy and it was almost harder to have this freedom of food.
I didn’t know how to live a BALANCED LIFESTYLE anymore.
I was unhappy seeing my body gain weight again even though I knew there was no way I could sustain what I was doing on prep.
I was unhappy because I couldn’t control my binge eating after months of deprivation, sweets became my best friend.
I was depressed because I didn’t know why I couldn’t control my eating.
Needless to say, I had a pretty terrible relationship with food.
This is why I preach BALANCE so much.
The cycle of:
Deprivation to Binge Eating to Guilt to REPEAT is terrible and I was experiencing it first hand week after week.
I was obsessed with the scale.
But at the same time I was obsessed with SUGAR & sweets. It was a terrible catch 22.
This went on for about 2 months. From April to June.
I felt out of control. I was extremely upset with myself and I felt like I would never be able to find balance.
But, fast forward to now and FINALLY the dust has settled.
I’ve finally found that balance again.
I’ve found that HEALTHY relationship with food.
I’m no longer BINGE eating due to feeling deprived of the foods I love.
So, how did I overcome this?
For starters, I was PATIENT with myself. I honestly didn’t know when I would get out of this funk, but I let it run its course until I was ready to get past it.
And 2, my MINDSET.
I just let go…
This letting go took the pressure off myself!
I stopped weighing myself, I stopped guilting myself for wanting sweets and I started to just live life instead of fixating on food and my body.
I wanted to share this with you because I want to make sure you know we all go through ups and downs. I’ve had sooo many highs and lows in my fitness journey and no matter how far I think i’ve come or how much progress i’ve made, I realize, I still have so much progress to make mentally and physically.
Living a healthy lifestyle, having a healthy relationship with food, loving your body, staying mentally tough, it’s all a daily battle of ups and downs.
We all go through funks and we all have things we need to work on.
All that matters is that you don’t give up and keep trying to be the best you can be day after day.
I don’t know when or if i’ll compete again… all I know is right now I’m enjoying having some BALANCE in my life again.
TIP: NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM DEPRIVATION!!!
Instead, give yourself some grace! Stop being your own worst critic and love yourself for how far you’ve come.
Comment below if this resonated with you. I’d love to know your story.
With Love,
Elise Borelli
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